“Our three-legged stool” has been amazingly effective helping parents
understand the fundamentals and how they support and reinforce each other.
Building our three-legged stool.
Relationship is the first "leg."
Family Structure and Culture is the second "leg."
Development & Discipline is the third "leg."
Each "leg" has its own purpose. Each "leg" has its own job to do. BUT, no "leg" can do its job without the support of the other two. If a "leg" is too weak, the stool will break or fall over. When our relationships, family structure and culture, and development & discipline reinforce and support each other, everything becomes so much easier and so much more enjoyable.
Relationship "Loving our children"
The Heart Connection: Our children need to know they are loved.
Building Identity: Our children need to know who they are.
Relationship always comes first. It is the foundation and heartbeat of our families. Healthy heart, healthy family. It begins with unconditional love and genuine connections. Everybody wants to belong to a group that loves them, protects them, and encourages them. Our families should be the best answer for that. More . . .
Family Structure and Culture "Creating our Family's world"
Roles and Responsibilities: Who does what?
Goals: What are we trying to accomplish with our children?
Family Meetings and Family Rules: How will we live together?
Family Identity: Who are we as a family?
Many times our success or failure as parents happens right here, and we don't even know it. I understand if that sounds crazy to you. Almost everybody I have ever worked with wants to blow right by this stuff and work on relationship or discipline issues instead. I used to honor those requests until experience taught me better. More . . .
Development & Discipline "Moving our children forward"
Principles: Eight foundational concepts
Methods and Techniques: Mastering the parenting tools we need
Direct, face-to-face challenges: Holding our ground and more
Disciplining our children will be significantly more difficult than it needs to be if our children are not experiencing our love and our family structure is not providing the guidance it should. Our discipline simply builds on what has come before. Another way to make things harder: trying to "make" our children behave. That is not our job. That is our children's job. More . . .
putting it all together
Relationship: Do our children feel loved? Are they experiencing our love? Are our parent/child relationships helping or undermining our parenting efforts?
Family structure and culture: Has our family structure established understanding, and hopefully agreement, on all the important issues as well as any new issues?
Development & Discipline: Is our child outmaneuvering us? Are we in control of our own behavior? Do we know which methods and techniques to use and when? Do we have enough mastery of those techniques to be loving AND effective? More . . .