“Train up a child in the way he should go,
even when he grows older he will not abandon it.”
NASV read more
Our best parenting happens when we are guided by Scripture and informed by science. Scripture gives us God's purpose and goals for our families. Science gives us the tools to achieve them.
But we must be careful. Scripture and science have different purposes and different goals. We must let Scripture be Scripture and science be science. read more
My name is James Shaver. I do not know what kind of parenting challenges you are facing, but I do know this: if you are looking for friendly, encouraging, and effective parenting help - I’m your guy.
Since 2012, I have been helping parents successfully overcome parenting challenges. But don't just take my word for it. Testimonials
Parent Coaching by phone, video call, in-person
Parenting classes in the greater Raleigh, NC area
My story and background
Would you go on a road trip to a place you have never been to before
without any maps, GPS, or plan?
And yet, many of us are doing exactly that when raising our children. We start that journey with no map, no navigation system, and no plan. Instead, we have a trunk overflowing with unsolicited parenting advice, conflicting parenting tips, new parenting strategies, twenty parenting books, and a few hundred short parenting videos, blogs, and vlogs. Mixed in with all of that stuff is our own childhood parenting baggage.
Have you ever found yourself frantically rummaging through that trunk looking for anything that might help you with your latest parenting challenge?
Here's the good news. You don't need to jam any more information into that trunk or throw everything out. Instead, you need a road map and a plan. You need a practical parenting guide and reference that will help you:
build your family proactively and intentionally instead of waiting around for the next challenge or crisis - get ahead of the issues before they even happen.
see what the true essentials are, what order they come in, and how they connect with and affect each other.
understand where your family is now, and what your next steps are.
And last but not least, help you finally get that overflowing trunk sorted.
Since 2012, I’ve been refining this guide through my work coaching parents. Again and again, I’ve watched the same thing happen: when a family gets the essentials right, the frantic rummaging stops, relationships improve, and everything starts to find its place.
The essentials never change, but no two families live them out the same way. I love that. This isn’t a formula to copy. It’s a map that helps each family find its own way. That's what I want for you and your family.
I call this approach Our Three-Legged Stool.
Welcome to Our Three-legged Stool
A well-built, three-legged stool does not wobble even when on uneven ground.
Relationship, Family Culture, Development & Discipline are the three legs. Each "leg" has its own purpose. Each "leg" has its own job to do. BUT, no "leg" can do its job without being supported and reinforced by the other two. As a structure, the three legs are completely interdependent.
But, the “legs” do have an order to them. Even though they are equal in terms of structure, we follow and keep repeating this order: Relationship always comes first, Family Culture comes second, and Development & Discipline comes third. (Trying to discipline a child without the connection of relationship and the guidance of Family Culture never goes well.)
1) RELATIONSHIP "LOVING OUR CHILDREN FIRST"
Unconditional Love: Our children need to know they are loved no matter what.
Nurturing Identity: Our children need to know who they are.
Relationships are the heart of our families - the foundation we build upon and the glue that holds everything together. That’s the ideal. read more
2) FAMILY CULTURE "CREATING OUR FAMILY'S WORLD"
Family Identity: Deciding who we are as a family.
Family Organization: Staying ahead of the chaos together.
Family Rhythms: Building our life on dependable patterns.
Family Culture is the invisible foundation that can make or break us as a family. read more
3) DEVELOPMENT & DISCIPLINE "MOVING OUR CHILDREN FORWARD"
Premise One: Our children are responsible for their own behavior, attitudes, and choices.
Premise Two: Our children are responsible for their own learning and development.
The principles: Five essential concepts
The value of our words
Target the behavior, not the child
Sharing control
Accountability
Modeling
The application: Dealing with real children, in real life, in real time.
Disciplining our children will be significantly more difficult than it needs to be if our children are not experiencing our love and our family culture is not providing the guidance it should. read more
*As Christian parents, are we supposed to strike our children with the rod or not?
read more
The goal is to write the parenting book you should read first — just the essentials: what they are, how they work together, and the order they build in.
So many parents I meet aren't looking for another technique. They're looking for a map. This book is that map — built on the Three-Legged Stool approach: Relationship, Family Culture, Development & Discipline.
Loving And Effective Parenting: The Essentials — in both secular and Christian editions.
I am writing a parenting book
